Today I cried. It was not just sad tears, it was a lot of pain and sorrow. Right now I am eating grapes with my daughter Addison. I decided to make some yummy homemade food. I made Strawberry Rhubarb pie that my aunt used to make me growing up. Then I decided I wanted to make my mom's marzetti. It was my favorite food for her to make me. If I had my choice for dinner, I always wanted her marzetti. I was fine making it, until I tried it. It tasted just like my mom's. Which does not really surprise me as I helped her make it many times. I have not had it in years, i would say at least 5 years because my husband has never had it and we have been together longer than 5 years. As soon as I tasted it I began to cry. It made me miss my mom even more than I normally do.
I hate that my daughters will never know they grandmother. I hate that I dont have my mom around to talk to when I need to ask a question or want to complain about the stupid driver that cut me off. I hate that my mom never got to see her grandchildren!
I have been strong. I no longer break into tears when I hear songs that remind me of her. I can sing them and think of the good times we had together. I have her perfume in my bathroom but I can not bring myself to smell it. They do not make it anymore so I know I do not have to think about running into the smell. The food is a different thing. Since I have not had it in so long I did not know that it would affect me the way that it has.
I miss her greatly. I can not wait to share stories with my children about her when they are older and can understand.
I love you mom! You are forever in my heart!
No comments:
Post a Comment